IML 2014 reflections - The first post

This post is probably more a disclaimer than a story. It is exactly a month today that my IML came to an end (as you will see in my later post, it ended a day earlier for many other people - much to my dismay) and I have avoided talking about my experience to many people.

This was for two reasons:

1. I was still processing the whole experience.

2. I found that the things I was saying to people who have asked to have come out as negative, and I didn't want people to think I didn't have a fantastic time because in many ways, I did.

But as with most things in life, I wished I had done things differently. Although my journey into kink goes back more than two decades, I still grapple with two major things that have caused me a lot of setbacks and disappointment - my lack of trust in people and my insecurities.

So, as I spend the next few post reliving one of the most momentous moments in my kink life, there will be many references to unhappiness, dissatisfaction and more. What I need for anyone reading them - especially the people I met and have befriended - is that I appreciate that the fault lie directly with me.

While I make comments about how I wished people had done things, responded to me or offered things differently, I am more than aware that I have no right to expect it of them. Especially since I never really told them how I felt. They had no way of knowing.

My highlights were really meeting old friends, online friends and new friends. It sounds cliche but coming from a background where I have so few friends who know about my kinks, let alone are kinky, I really appreciated being able to share my life with like-minded people. The play sessions were equally as amazing (although I do wish I got more play and different types of play as well).

And of course the shopping. But I think the one thing I am most grateful for was that for four days, I could just be myself, never mind that it took me almost two days to actually "be" myself.

Having said all that, I'm not sure if I will go back for another IML. Having a downer from four days of being oneself is one thing, but having a downer and then coming back home to a place where everyday is a kink downer is another.

For wont of being dramatic, I don't know if my emotional wellbeing can take it. I thoroughly enjoyed what IML offered me, I just don't know if I can leave it all behind the way I was forced to again.