I am very aware that it has been almost four months to the day since IML and as such, the accuracy of the following few paragraphs might have been compromised.
The truth is, following the last statements I made in the previous post as a disclaimer for this series of upcoming ones, I was afraid to revisit those days for fear of crumbling emotionally.
Then, the past few days happened, and I crumbled anyway. So I had a thought - made a decision, rather - that I would embrace the experience and appreciate that for four days, I got to be who I was, as opposed to being afraid it would remind me of those moments.
Because the truth is, those moments happened and they were quite an experience. And if I'm going to be stuck here where I am, then I might as well appreciate what little of "the world I belong to" I can get.
One Day One, that world lay behind the doors of The Marriott Magnificent Mile, in a city I had never been in my life. I had arrived a couple of days earlier to soak in the city - I have a wanderlust that needs as much pacifying as my itch for kink does - and ordered an Uber car early that morning to check in.
I already knew that some "friends" (people I knew online, but have never met in person) were there. I had been invited to hang out the night before, but I declined - a decision, I think, I will continue to regret for a long time.
As I dragged my bag to the entrance, I was stopped by a burly man asking, "Are you here for the event?" I wasn't expecting such a question and just muttered a, "Yeah" - it didn't occur to me that the next four days was going to be an "event".
Walking through the doors, nervous and excited at the same time, my senses were incredibly heightened - I'll be this is how Dorothy felt going through the gates to Emerald City (incidentally, did you know Chicago has a park called Oz and there are statues of Dorothy and all her friends scattered around it?).
I tried not to stare as guys (some of whom looked like they just woke up) in gear were mingling around the lobby area. Because some of the current guests haven't yet checked out, the space was still being set up but a bright, sparkly receptionist brought me out of my daze.
She was chatty and extremely friendly, which put me at ease, until she said: "You're a little overdressed." I was in a pair of jeans and T-shirt, holding on to my leather jacket. I must have blushed 50 shades of red.
In my room, I took a while to settle in. Settling in includes taking pictures of the great view, looking at maps of the area to see where I can hide and well, checking Grindr and Recon out. I have never in my life seen such activity on those apps. I was in heaven. And this was my first slip on the slippery slope of sexpectations (mistake #1).
But it wasn't all cruising. I wanted to get in touch with people on Recon and Twitter to let them know I've checked in.
"What are you wearing?" I asked my friend B, who I've known for several years. I was most excited to see him because I feel we've built a nice friendship over the years, which included periods where he would keep my in chastity remotely.
We finally met in the marketplace, after I spent about an hour alone roaming around trying to soak it all in. I was in a pair of jeans, T-shirt and my boots, the only "gear-like" thing I had on other than the CB6000 I put on when I first got to the hotel. I hadn't cum in a few days in anticipation of the event (mistake #2), and thought it'd be fun to put it on.
I hung around with B and met some of his friends. It was a bit awkward. We hadn't met before so I really loved the hug but found it hard to fit in. It was more me than them, I was extremely self-conscious and I kept asking myself if B was just being polite or if he really didn't mind me hanging around them. I hung around anyway.
Mistake #3 was deciding I needed to get a jacket when everyone decided that it was time for lunch. They didn't have much time so it had to be quick, but a flood of people had started checking in so the elevators took forever. By the time I was heading back down, I had gotten a message that they were going to head out first and I was welcome to join them.
Except that I didn't know the area at all and Google Maps took me to two different outlets and I still couldn't find them. I had walked around, rushing to make lunch, for over 30 minutes by then and so I gave up and grabbed a bite from somewhere nearby before heading back to the hotel.
I went back to the marketplace for a bit but in the end, just headed back to my room to rest (and go on Grindr and Recon - the slippery slope continues) until my other friend A arrived. I let him settle in before we caught up in the marketplace and then had some dinner. I was much more comfortable with him as we were actually physical friends. I would end up being extremely grateful to have A around for the next few days.
A was going to head to some event which I wasn't too keen on so we went back to our rooms. At this point, I got to catch up with S and A2, whose rooms were literally just across from mine. We hadn't met before but chatted often on Twitter.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to head down for GearBlast because I wasn't sure I had enough gear. I'd already been wearing my leather trousers and boots in the evening and my rubber suit doesn't work with the CB.
S decided that he'd let me use his rubber shorts and rubber T-shirt. The shorts fit perfectly, although the T-shirt was a bit big but I had come all the way and they weren't going to let me not head down for some parties.
It turned out to be pretty nice. Different bunch of friends where there. B and A were there with their friends, and of course, I was with S and A2 with their other friends. Eventually though, everyone went away to do their own thing (read: play) and I had no plans so I went back to S and A2's room for more drinks and drinking games.
I was about to leave at some point in the middle of the night when we got attacked by a pack of pups - we had left the door latch undone for some reason and some people took it as an open invitation.
It was most interesting. I have met pups in my life but never really engaged with them much but this was about 10 of them, drinks in hand, all geared up and very excited. A2 and I just stood back and watched everything unfold in the room - it was quite a sight! I really loved that everyone was so relaxed and non-judgemental in there.
I made the mistake (#4) of trying to befriend a couple of them (I even developed a pup crush on one - R) though - I'd learn over the next few days that people who are drunk don't remember you when they meet you next.
Eventually, everyone left and I popped back to my room. By the end of the day, horn was high and I was feeling a bit down from the fact that I'd been there for a whole day and was nowhere closer to any play at all.
I stayed up really late, till almost 6am, trying to hookup which became mistake #5. In four days, it never happened.
I wish I could say that I slept like a baby, but between being completely tired, horny and being excitable from the whole day - it wasn't very good rest.
Still, I had a few days to look forward to. B, who I wasn't sure wanted to play in person or not before we met (I didn't want to be presumptuous), did mention some time earlier in the day that he'd like to have me restrained (which made me very happy). But as is the situation at IML, very few people actually commits to plans ahead of time, especially if you're new friends, so I had to go to bed wondering if my next few days would be exactly like day one - horned up, a little bit sad and most of all, not quite sure what was going on.
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